Writing well is time consuming, and I’m not always well-equipped for the time-warp challenge. There I said it.

This past year, I have had a problem with writing fiction consistently (not so much poetry tbh). I tell myself I don’t have enough time, and a whole other host of things that just get in the way. And to be fair, I have been pretty busy. But I’m also pretty hard on myself, and the work that I produce.

Lately, my creative writing has felt like a chore rather than my passion. 

I am still a recovering perfectionist, and though I would like to wish myself into being a better person than I am. The reality of who I am now is that I am still a Creative who hasn’t learned to value the process as much as I do the product. Crazy right?

Worse than crazy, it’s also detrimental. So detrimental that the thought of picking up a pen, or putting my fingers to the keyboard has been a lot of things but inspiring for me lately. It has been a source of dread, anxiety, and even shame. But writing fiction has not been what I had wanted it to be.

I want my process to feel good. I don’t want it to be the case that all the value and joy comes from only a the finish line. I want to enjoy the messiness, the planning, the experimentation, and the editing. I want to revel in it.

One truth that has been very hard for me to swallow is that besides working consistently, quality work is the result of giving your process the time and space it needs to realize your creative goals. 

Only now do I realize that if I’m to continue with my creative writing in any serious way, I need to work on my process or risk either wallowing in burnout. I already know that, for myself, creative writing isn’t something that I can afford to not engage with; writing is integral to my existence.

I love creative writing. I do. But at the same time, this work isn’t always a straight path, and that can be very frustrating. It’s taken me some time, and in my mind maybe even too long to admit the fact that creative writing isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it’s also frustrating and maddening work. Actual work.

And that’s okay! Or at least, it’s going to have to be okay for me. I’m going to have to make my peace with my process and try to find the silver lining in all of the uncertainty of knowing where the finish line is, what the finished product will be, and how long it will take.

For better or worse, it is the case that I do not have a straightforward fix for my Creative blues, I’m not sure that I have a concrete, straight fix to this problem, but I am sure that the first steps in moving in the right direction is focusing on making my process more enjoyable.

For that reason, I will be focusing more on developing a process that not only works, but is also enjoyable and satisfying.